bëer beîîy

Being bored..

2008-01-02T17:19:00.000+08:00

I constantly get the feeling tat i'm bored..in fact, i get it so often tat i've forgotten what is like to be 'normal'..i'm a person who have to be doing something at all times..scary huh? restless? guess so!
so..wat's my latest hobby? i have no idea!

Being 30!

2007-10-24T15:14:00.000+08:00

jus the other day, i was talking to an ex on msn...first thing he said was...Sentosa? and i was like ...oh! u going sentosa later?...well..to cut the story short...anway, he commented tat i was really getting old... not hanging out at the beach like a bum anymore...hmm..before wat he said abt me being an old hag at 30...i was really happy being 30! 30 to me is an age when i know wat i want in life... at 30, i no longer feel lonely, even if i'm alone...i feel confident enough to lose my unworthy frens...i can speak my mind...i can go clubbing with my specs! at 30...i no longer feel the need to search for new, exciting frens..i've my old, exciting frens (hehe!), but amazingly, i did made a really good fren recently!
Well, so wat's the deal? so wat if i dun go to the beach at sentosa...at 30, i can afford to fly and hang out at Bali, Kuta beach anytime...can he? at 25?

I'm back!

2007-10-23T14:57:00.000+08:00

I found my blog! can't believe tat i'm back...has been at least 2 years since i last wrote..good to be back tho... inspired by rachel's blog...i decided to write again...but maybe not today...cos i need to get going! lunch then work!

Reflection...

2005-03-09T02:49:00.000+08:00

Date: 9th March 2005
Time: 2.06am

In an attempt to show how much can happen to a person in short time. I’m penning this…

About 10 years ago…
1. I got into the JC of my choice, finally enjoying the freedom of
not going for lessons!
2. I got to know Joan, Jessie and Rachel who turned out to be my best
frens! Never knew girls can make such great frens!
3. I pierced my 9th ear hole.
4. I went to Denmark and London for the first time, and fell in love
with the places.
5. I can't wait to leave JC and go Uni. already!

About 5 years ago,
1. I stepped into a classroom for the first time, and came out
trying my best not to cry! Wondered why was I there in the first place…sigh!
2. I threw a boy against the wall, and swore never to lose my temper
like that again! At least not at my students!
3. I hid in the toilet and cry for the first time. Just because I really din want to go for lessons in that terrible class!
4. I began to know the joys of teaching! Glad I stick through it!
5. I learnt that lessons in NIE teach the teachers NOTHING! Except to be disciplined enuff to go for lessons on time, which of cos I din not learn at all!

About 3 years ago,
1. I learnt that being a teacher is not jus teaching, you are also an administrator, accountant, planner, coordinator and everything else!
2. I officially became an alcoholic; it was my way of relaxing from stress!
3. I thought I was in love. But I guess not!
4. I had a taste of what it was like to manage a family. Household chores and expenses included.
5. I learnt that frens…you can live without some...and you can’t live without some!
About 2 years ago,
1. I lost my dad to cancer, still miss him so!
2. I was diagnosed with depression…which was totally…DEPRESSING!
3. I went Bali for the first time and fell in love with the place
immediately!
4. I committed a sin…I had overdosed on sleeping pills and alcohol…the worst? Without even realising it! Please forgive me for my foolishness!
5. I had the worse year of my life… trying to cope with everything happening around me!

About 1 year ago,
1. I penned my resignation letter with MOE, decided that enough is enough!
2. I was slapped with tons of debts and no money…and no job!
3. I met Robin Lau…never expect him to become the one man who could bring me happiness that many tried but failed.
4. I am officially off drugs to control my depression and I am coping.
5. I am no longer an alcoholic!

Yesterday,
1. I surfed through the net, looking for the perfect pair of shoes for my wedding.
2. I went flat hunting for my perfect home!
3. I was online chatting with my sister who is staying in Shanghai; and watched my nephew as he puts a cardboard innocently into his mouth like it was a lollipop!
4. I went for lessons as usual at my present workplace…tuition center…yup! I’m still teaching!
5. I realised how much I loved to teach, minus the other nonsense that came along with it in a school!

Tomorrow,
1. I am going flat hunting again…will not stop till I find THE ONE!
2. I hope to find the energy to clear my dad’s flat…it’s so messy I dunno where to start!
3. I will continue my search for my perfect pair of wedding shoes and accessories and last but not least the bubble machine!
4. I have to wake up at 830am to open the door for my cleaning lady…then I’m going back to sleep!
5. I have to mark my worksheets and prepare my lessons for the rest for the week.

1 year later,
1. I will be married to Robin Lau! (Mrs. Lau do sounds funny to me!)
2. I will have my two cats, Hiromi and Kaito with me still…plus a new addition…Roxy the Mini Schnauzer!
3. I will probably be busy trying to divide time between lessons, marking and preparations for lessons!
4. I will have a part time cleaning lady! Yup! I am lazy!
5. I hope to travel to Europe…or at least London!

10 years later,
1. I will be 38 years old!
2. I will be managing a tuition centre that’s well known among the schools in Singapore.
3. I will still be childless…by choice…instead have my pets and my loving husband for company.

HDB appt!!!

2005-02-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

so exciting!! me...buying my first home...a big step to the future with rob..a step nearer to our life together!!

I am engaged!!!

2004-12-23T01:17:00.000+08:00

Last nite...Rob did the most amazing thing! he proposed! tho not in the most romantic way... (he wrote "marry me?" on a card!!!)...but I'm happy nevertheless...can't believe this...and now i'm too excited to be sleeping..hehe! and the ring...simple and elegant...the way i love...so..now..plans for our wedding...actually in our case..no wedding will be prefered....we've decided to jus get registered without a wedding dinner..maybe a simple lunch or dinner with his parents...i hate weddings and the hassle...it's too much...and also...my parents are not ard anymore..it'll jus make me sad..make my sis sad to have a wedding dinner without them...so the plan is to ROM end next yr and get our own place...go for a honeymoon and live happy ever after!

Japanese drama series...Beach Boys!

2004-12-14T03:22:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been thinking about my old vcd collection...and thinking to myself which ones i would like to watch again..."Beach Boys"! you know...the japanese drama with 2 damn gorgeous guys as lead actors??? I must have watched it for like...at least 10 times! I'm sure a lot of you out there who knows which one must be thinking that I'm really lame for liking such a silly show but "Beach Boys" was really something that warmed my heart... I even named my cats after the characters...Hiromi and Kaito..so anyway, I decided to go back to the old flat to look for it..but damn it! couldnt be found! probably lent it to some idiot and never got it back...and it's too late to buy another set cos it's out of circulation!
Anyway...whoever got my set of "Beach Boys" vcds...please please return it to me! I'll be grateful! I just found a website selling it and it'll cost me S$50 excluding shipping! And if you guys there has any...please lend it to me to copy or if you know where I can buy it..let me know!

i'm really heartbroken...and desperate!

2004-12-07T02:42:00.001+08:00

Clearly I havent spent enuff time blogging...not that there isnt anything going on in my life but some stuff are obviously too trivial to talk abt and some...too personal..so wat's good? hehe....anyway, let's talk about rob and my latest hobby...furniture shopping! it's rather fun actually...first checking out the weekend newspaper for the ads on the warehouse sale..then planning our route ard to visit all these places..ssad to say..most of the time, the furniture are really horrible looking..they all look so disgustingly old fashioned...then again, now we both have an idea of how we want our house to look like...rob is clearly very insisting on the simplest pieces of furniture available (which i agree!)..with of cos minimum number of pieces (of cos i agreed..who else but me to do the cleaning!) we're going make his dj console the main focus in the living room...cement the floor (i hate tiles!) black simple leather sofa...wall sized "chemical brothers" poster...a really nice rug..something to put tv on (we havent decide on what!) nice lamp..maybe a disco ball and spotlights...wait! we have jus turn our future home into a club! but i like it...to make things complete...we're gonna put in a pool table which doubles up as the dining table (boy! wouldnt andrew be trilled!) and of cos i insisted on a cats' room for my babies, a solid oven for my baking (it's a must!)..and of cos the usual electrical appliances...we even came up with a list of things we want! no plasma/ LCD tv (waste $, i rather spend it on a holiday!)...nice bed and mattress...sigh..the list of things goes on and on...and now...
we just need to buy a house to accomodate them all!

the latest thingy we do!

2004-12-07T02:42:00.000+08:00

Clearly I havent spent enuff time blogging...not that there isnt anything going on in my life but some stuff are obviously too trivial to talk abt and some...too personal..so wat's good? hehe....anyway, let's talk about rob and my latest hobby...furniture shopping! it's rather fun actually...first checking out the weekend newspaper for the ads on the warehouse sale..then planning our route ard to visit all these places..ssad to say..most of the time, the furniture are really horrible looking..they all look so disgustingly old fashioned...then again, now we both have an idea of how we want our house to look like...ron is clearly very insisting on the simplest pieces of furniture available (which i agree!)..with of cos minimum number of pieces (of cos i agreed..who else but me to do the cleaning!) we're going make his dj console the main focus in the living room...cement the floor (i hate tiles!) black simple leather sofa...wall sized "chemical brothers" poster...a really nice rug..something to put tv on (we havent decide on what!) nice lamp..maybe a disco ball and spotlights...wait! we have jus turn our future home into a club! but i like it...to make things complete...we're gonna put in a pool table which doubles up as the dining table (boy! wouldnt andrew be trilled!) and of cos i insisted on a cats' room for my babies, a solid oven for my baking (it's a must!)..and of cos the usual electrical appliances...we even came up with a list of things we want! no plasma/ LCD tv (waste $, i rather spend it on a holiday!)...nice bed and mattress...sigh..the list of things goes on and on...and now...
we just need to buy a house to accomodate them all!

The Right One

2004-11-22T13:55:00.000+08:00

The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

Dun u think?

Teach

2004-11-18T13:44:00.000+08:00

Jus realised that the only thing that I'm prob good at is teach...it comes so naturally...and I'm back at it...well..if it takes me half the world to realise that...it's still a good thing ya? I'm starting at The Learning Lab...relief teaching first..but I'm pretty sure it's the matter of time before I'll go full time... it's fun..it's great to be able to mingle with the kids once more...my temp job? i got fired...haha...my lack of commitment...my bad! i jus can't make myself focus when i got to go for interviews and decide on my directions in life...which reminded me...I went for an interview at an IT company that day..spoke to the GM and HR manager...they were impressed with me..at least that was wat they told my recruitment company! BUT...they feel that I have no idea where my directions are...I guess it was pretty obvious to them...I couldnt convince them that working as an administrator at their education centre was wat I was keen in...then again..I'm glad I din get that job...now that I realised that teaching was wat I was meant to do...

Rob jus mentioned that day..when I told him everyone has a role in this world...even the smallest...even when the person is irritating, annoying..totally pissing..that person still has a role to play and a part in your life somewhere... Rob then asked me...wat was my role? even he wonders about his...
I wonder what's mine?

Hey...wat's yours?

What holds me together...

2004-10-30T14:54:00.000+08:00

Thanks Jud...yes..there's time for everything anything...time now is to go thru these challenges in front of me...and I know..when there's a will, there's a way...what's life without all these constant challenges God puts in front of me? And I have faith in Him..for He will guide me thru all these problems...I just found a temporary job so things aint that bad..it'll take time tho..to solve the rest of the problems...but these are not gonna stop me from loving life and enjoying every single minute that I have... after all...I know that I still have my family and friends who's always there for me...most of all I have an extremely understanding and supportive boyfren.

my life

2004-10-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

it has almost been 10 years of struggle...my constant struggle with money and problems...18 years old....dad suddenly says that he cannot afford my uni fees...it's ok...get a bank loan, find a part time job...of cos there are times when i really wanna give up..the fights btw my parents at home, the long hours at starbucks after school, early lectures at 8am next morning, the need to get money for my family...but i got thru it... then mum fell ill, relapse of the cancer...we need money again...she passed away in 1999...i found myself a job as a contract teacher..not too bad, i seem to be a natural at teaching...but the constant need to supply my dad with money to pay his debts is really wearing me down...this is beyond my capability...credit cards can only help u to certain extent...when is all these gonna stop? but time passed...it's 2003...i've been teaching for 3 years! but i still have zero savings with no idea when everything is gonna end...making ends meet is wearing me down..then all of a sudden, dad passed away...colon cancer was the culprit...and in august i was diagnosed with major depression, i finally succumbed to stress and miseries...nov...i almost lost my life...but i told myself it was God's way of telling me it's not time yet...it was time for me to pick myself up and move on...June 04, i finally resigned from a job which was giving me no chance to recover...after much considerations, i decided that i have to take a shot and live for myself... Oct 04...i have not found a job...the banks are after me..MOE is after me to pay for my bond...I jus realised that I've been going in circles...my life is still all about these...now i'm lost!

me and my career

2004-08-16T21:16:00.000+08:00

supposed to go for my on-job evaluation today at starbucks...full of expectations abt how much fun i would be havign going back to an environment that i once loved...cant wait to pull my first shot of expresso..chat wif my first customer...have fun at a job that i once had 6 yrs ago...then....

i woke up late!!! supposed to be at work at 10am and i woke up at 955am!!! damn! called the manager, apologise and cooked up some stupid excuse abt having to go back to the office..hehe...

reached there at 1045am...apologise...manager brief me abt where the stuff are kept...wat i'm supposed to do..blah blah...
well, basically..i'm supposed to be working like a regular barista..only this time i'll be scrutinized by the manager from head to toe....
time passed...clear a few tables...talk a bit of cok...made a few frap..(wah liew! must they make the drink calling for frap so tongue twisting??!!)...wash dishes..(wah liew! damn f*#king heavy leh!)...
i'm day dreaming...cant wait for time to pass...finding things to do...this whole thing is getting on my nerves...i dunno wat to talk to the customers abt...i dun even know wat to talk to my partners abt...cant wait for this to end...

4pm! finally....had a debrief with the manager...i'm outta here...
as i walked away...i realised...i'm too old for this...i've no longer the energy to be at 5 places at the same time, talking to the customers like they are my best frens...my body's aching like mad! i feel that i really need a shower to get rid of the coffee smell...

that's it...i'm back to my comfortable office..with aircon..where i can sit and do my work! even if it means i get paid peanuts!

me and love

2004-08-15T14:41:00.000+08:00

i've to say...in my love life...i've been thru more than anyone i noe... the guys i dated, the men i once loved... in fact...my life is all about love..love for my family and the love that i seek... once, i went to see a tarot card reader..she said that i was placed on this earth to learn about love and to seek it...and i believe so...
But i believe that now i've found it..true love...yes..for the first time in my life..i can actually say that! i used to wonder..how do anyone know whether u have found the right person...is it this magic feeling they talk about in "Sleepless in Seattle"? then how am i supposed to know that the feeling you get is the 'magic' they talk about? sparks flying? tingling feeling dwn ur spine when u kiss? i think it's when 2 persons are tog and it's all about comfort and being yourself...and when he calls, unknowingly, u start smiling...when both of you are chatting on the net... u find urself grinning at ur pc...everytime u are tog... time passes and yet u dunno it... everytime u are apart, u feel that something is missing and u cant wait for the time when u meet again so that everything will fall into place... at the same time, u will sense a little fear...fear that something might happen and things might not be the same anymore...not as perfect...but yet, it's ok...cos you know that with love, and wif him, you'll be able to go thru anything...well, i truly believe that "love conquers everything".

now i noe...i've found him..the one i've been searching for the entire time...the one i've been waiting for...

darling...loving u is everything i do now...and it's everything i wanna do..

it's been almost 2 months

2004-08-15T14:34:00.000+08:00

it's been almost 2 months since i last went to church... i dunno wat is going thru my mind sometimes... i miss the feeling of being able to be at an environment where i can connect with God, an environment where i can feel the love for God from the people around me...but sad to say, at the same time, I feel really out of place in church... I noe u guys have been trying to encourage me back to church... but i sincerely think that it's jus something that I have to go thru alone... I miss you all...the blading, the eating, the cok tokking... and of cos our cell group meetings together... but at the same time... I do feel that I cannot fit in... my tots and beliefs are so different.. I'm not as 'proper' nor 'decent'... anyhow...when the day i'm back...it's because i feel that i can finally fit in the group and feel comfortable... and I hope that when the day comes, u guys will still welcome me like you did before...au revoir!

alcoholic?

2004-08-03T19:26:00.000+08:00

haha...i've managed to stick at only 2 drinks for a mth alreadi! yes...to lots of ppl...it may seem to be dumb..but to me it's an achievement...for someone who had so much drinks one day tat she forgot how many valium she's had and almost died of overdose...it is an achievement...i guess staying totally free from alcohol is something i will not aim for...it's not only because i know i cannot do it...but because i still like the occasional taste of a kilkenny or a bombay tonic..well well..i do strongly believe that too much of ANY thing is bad...even if it's the best thing in the world..with the best intentions...which reminds me of my frens..i know u guys have the best intentions for my health and state of mind...but believe me...some issues can only be sorted out perosnally and with the interruptions from u...it'll make things worse..

me and my itchy hands...

2004-07-28T13:25:00.000+08:00

ok..this is my second blog acc...forgot the password for the previous one..sigh! anyway..ppl out there..if u notice..i'm beer belly! not becos i have one! nope...but because i'm glad tat i'll never have the danger or possibility of getting one! previously an alcoholic..i'm so happy to say tat i no longer indulge in it...yes yes...i still drink but not like a barrel of it! and life has been beautiful! so..i would like to ask God for his forgiveness and thank Him for His work on me..